Wings Of Hope By Cindy Russell
A Story of Hope and Inspiration
For God so loved the world ,that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but have everylasting life.
John 3:16
Hello watch us on TV 30 on Conversations with Robin Fahr as we introduce at 6am -12:30pm- 8:30pm
Wings of Hope
Visit www.tv30.org for air times and more info. To order the show. Once again to all of you who have been with me through this battle thank you. You all gave me Hope !!!!
Wear the Wings of Hope for all those you know !!!
Hello Everyone and Welcome to Wings of Hope with the news that the cancer has spread we are more intent on spreading the word to help others that will deal with the loss that this disease brings to so many. Today is our 23rd Wedding Anniversary and we celebrated at a 33 miles Concert to our song One Life One Love, OneTime Around a beautiful reminder to spend our time wisely. I am also pleased that the first two shirts where printed and now available I hope that they share the word with many. You can see them at the link on this page. Thank you all for all your support with my writing and the many prayers. God Bless
The T-Shirts are available through this site using paypal or contact us at crdesigns@aol.com also available at Lighthouse Christian Bookstore in Dublin 925-829-3698
Wings of Hope a book written by Cindy Russell from Livermore Ca. Tells a story of the desire to fight and gives inspiration to live each day. A dream of making a difference however I could. From opening a business to bring Magic and Joy called Where the Magic Begins where many a friendship was made, to a real life Cinderella Wedding here in Livermore carriage and all. Through many a stressfull day and sleepness night in my life once the word cancer was spoken. Sometimes it was all I could do to get out of bed but something inside of me pushed me on. In this book I hope to share with those affected by cancer and their loved ones Hope. Through it all I was given the chance to realize many things that get past us most of time. This is why I wrote Wings of Hope and created Wings of Hope Designs. We can change things if we work together. This word can change your whole exisitence as you knew it. I have lived my life like a roll coaster through the ups and downs. After being mis-diagnosed and battling with the medical system to get help. Having to learn to become my own advocate in the medical system. While trying to fight off the questions in my head. From Am I Going to Die ? What about my family ? Trying to gain control of the thoughts that race through my mind. Learning to deal with Panic Disorder. Then an eating disorder there is no where to run from the devastion of this disease. Whether it is chemo, radiation or surgery the scars are permanent. I found help through my family, friends and Faith. In my case living with cancer seemed harder than dying the unknown, the depression, the pain all the What If's ? I am Hopefully that these words will help others to find their Hope
Once my disablilites became so severe that I could no longer contribute as I had my whole life. I felt worthless and a burden to those around me. Fear was my best friend. I could not break its hold on me. Everything came to a stand still. But somewhere inside of each of us is the will to survive at all costs. Faith !!!! But first you have to overcome the fear break the hold it has on you. That is where my Faith and Spirit took over and reminded me every life has a purpose, eveyone has something to say and every sitituation has a story to be told.
I began to pick up the pieces and write Wings of Hope. It was a way for me to express what was on my mind during all those dark moments. The words on paper made it more real as the pages came to life. I shared it with others and they where able to apply it to their lives in many ways as well. I put those words to Images to create a vision to give Hope. I always felt that Angels where watching over me since I was a young child. The beauty in knowing they where watching over me while I laid there through all the tests, the waiting for the phone to ring with the results. Praying God please help me to get through another day.
Wings of Hope allowed me to share that even though we may change phyiscally. That we are spirit is still very much alive. I Hope that others who face challenges wheter it is illness or anything that causes them to be lost will find the strength for Another day in themselves.
This is my story and my gift to my family, friends and all who are touched by this illness. It took the Cindy we all knew into a corner alone.I found there is always comfort in numbers one alone in the dark is small and afraid. But, when you realize you are not alone through something visual you can hold onto or read words that speak as if you had spoken them. It can give you strength.
Many of us face different kinds of challenges and we try and face them alone. I hope my story helps others reach out to each other. I pray that Wings of Hope will help inspire those who are fighting cancer and those around them to keep up the fight to there is a cure for all !!!!!!
and Inspire them to fight for their own Dreams.
I found that sometimes there are not enough family, friends, counselors or doctors to help you find your way. I had to look inside and find away to deal with it or I could just give up.
How do you LIVE with Cancer? The limitations it puts on everyone.
I realized that everything I said could be words that would latter have a terrible hold on us so in this chapter I share some about that----
Cancer Do's and Dont's
Let's talk a little about that. What do you say when you do not
know What to say?Sometimes its better to say nothing till you figure it out.There is of course many phrases that are commonly used. One of the ones that affected me the most was WE are all going to die ! That maybe true but it has a whole knew meaning when it is coming at you like a freight train. Or it is your child who just began life. The other one you are so LUCKY to have your husband stand by your side through this most would have left. This one is very important since while you are sick your esteem is very low. It is very important that no one should feel that they are any less of who they where. If they loved you then they love you now. That statement is a stero-type from today's world where marriage itself is a revolving door. There is plenty more on this subject
Family
Finding ways to make the best of a bad situation through making sure every one has a chance to express themselves. Help from the outside is great but those on the inside need to know what to expect. This chapter has a lot of different suggestions to help everyone cope with it together. Make sure that you are aware of those around you and how they are dealing with it. Life still goes on around you and their instinct is to feel bad about feeling good. Watch for silence let them know its okay. Then of course there is anger sometimes from both sides as sick and the well try and co-exist in lives daily actitvites. An example we can not go today Mom is sick try to have backup plan. The home should be a safe place to share what everyone is feeling.
Things like charts for their sick family member's care, doctor appointments, list of medicines and do not leave them helpless or give them away to blame themselves if someting goes wrong. This is especially true with children and young adults.One example perhaps would be when I found passed out and the paramedics arrived and asked them what is wrong with her? What medicines is she taking? An already scary time and then more fear when they have no answers. Trying to protect them from worrying is instinct but the benefit of being realalistic is protecting them as well- having a plan will benefit everyone.
In the Chapters below I express the many feelings and emotions that where present everyday and my way to deal with them was to write. As someone who loved spending time around people and worked my whole life till I was home bound---
With Pen and Pencil
Chapter- I Fought and Feared on My Terms !!! I stumbled through the days in darkness lost and full of pain – He was the light and healing I tripped over every obstacle each day beaten and bruised- He was the straight path to healing I feared every decision and step I took in lost in life - He knew the path to faith not fear I worried where I would end up where I was going- He knew where I was to be I looked in the mirror and saw nobody of worth- He saw his beautiful daughter I finally fell to my knees to weak to stand anymore- He kneeled beside me and whispered I am here My Heavenly father said there is no I in us -------- Amen We all fall from grace, fail at being sin free and lose our way down the path of being with him---- But God is always there to catch us, forgive our sin and show us the way back down the path to him ----- When you doubt that you can or ever could make the bad go away he is there to remind you of your strength and his forgiveness ----- His love will bring you through all the holes of the world’s ways back to Holy ground again------ He knows of those things that seek to turn you another way away from the safety of this loving God----- When you feel their is no way he can protect you from harm that is to come to his protection is yours---- Many times over and over when we get lost he will come to us there is no limit to how many times----- Wheter they are our best moments, worst moments or just to much for us he is there not keeping score----- He created us, knows us and knows the outcome of each of our actions and wants us to give it to him------ So if you our on your knees or on the floor face down he will pick you up again and again ------ It is not a free fall with no hope God is in front of you behind you and all around you always----- See there is no limit to his love our how many time he will pick you and lead you again to him-------- You see when you are down and see no hope Gods promise is there is only up from there with your Heavenly Father------ Some comfort in this sea of darkness !!! Pencil, Pen and Paper my Friend I create an Image and the words to give Hope and Inspiration !!!!
In this chapter of my life it was like I had become the disease and No One could possibly understand what I was going through. By this time all the excitement over the diagnose of the cancer had worn away. People had rallied around in the beginning but as things got worse soon they disappeared one by one. The vacation and sick leave was gone --alone I realized feelings of many emotions of self-pity, loneliness, anger and bitterness
Paper and Pen once again my friend ---I wrote
“ I “
Saved from yourself----
Chapter- What Now God?
I had always had my Faith it had been there through all the things life could throw at me. The many times I prayed for my family and friends. I always felt that I was safe ,so it would only be fitting that the first question I would scream out would be Why ? What Now? I know you know the answer to this suffering, but I am in a place where I am hearing words like death, six months, will, power of attorney. This was a place where the words where cold and right to the point . I was just an other number in the statistics--Where are the words of comfort and sensitivity !!!!
Pen and paper again my only friend as I write ------
Only Up from Here
Wings of Hope
My God shows me signs everyday of hope as they give me the news
When a moment comes that the pain eases and the fear stops
Just listen quietly and you can hear their wings
His Angels always there watching over my every moment
There to lift me up and carry me to safety out of harms way
His Heavenly Angels sent from above to show Gods love
Just close your eyes and you can see them
What a beautiful moment it is when I hear the wings of Hope
Knowing that Heaven is only a short distance from me
They can be here in a moment a blink of an eye
Just open your eyes again and you will see him
Look at him into his loving eyes as he says I am right here
Do not be afraid for I have come to be with you touch his hand
Feel the healing touch as his love fills you with Hope again
Just rest right there your spirit renewed for another day
They where all around me as I went through the many trials always watching over me !!!
All Images and poems Copyright Wings of Hope Cindy Russell Designs
Chapter- Broken But Not Forsaken was I the only one who prayed to be free of this suffering A lost soul with ears for his words to give me an answer God as my heart and soul are so tired and drained as if asleep from many trials Awaken my Spirit through you God as I sit back to tired and watch everything around me begin to fall apart Awaken my Strength through you God as I begin to feel scared surrounded by fear all around me Awaken my Courage through you God as this world has me questioning what is real and will I make it another moment Awaken my Faith through you God as I feel to helpless to change anything that is going wrong in my life Awaken my Hope through you God as my mind has struggled with all the circumstances I spoke of today Awaken my Wisdom through you God now let me use these words and wisdom to awaken each day and glorify you Unlike others seven days of the week has a whole different meaning for me as I battle this illness trying to live each moment in faith Monday the start of the work week for me is the first day of fear after the weekend when everyone is home as I try to stumble through the house alone Tuesday the day begins again and the nurse arrives to give me a check up and see if anything has changed after she leaves I cry a little Wednesday I usually have a friend drop by to spend some time with me and get to go outside and see the beautiful sky, the flowers and watch the dog play Thursday the nurse is back again once again to check on things after she leaves again I cry a little more and pray a lot Friday my appointment day the visit to the therapist to learn how to react to dying with out getting depressed as well as tests, scans and see the doctors Saturday I wake knowing I have a day with my family my husband at my side we pick up my grandson even though I can not lift him anymore seeing him brings my heart joy Sunday the Seventh Day I pray for strength as my husband helps me to get ready for church and I pray for the strength to make it through the whole service Finally after dinner with my family at nights end I lie down to rest and pray to God for another seven days Listen Lord let me hear you over the loud voices in my life comfort my anxious mind strengthen my tired flesh, I try to give up too many times a day to count as the grip slips and I slowly fall to the worlds ways, I do not fall willing but with a heart full of faith because I am Gods daughter his precious one with no flaws finally loved, As a peaceful feeling falls over me and the pain and fear are quieted for a moment the unseen to human eyes invisible arms of my heavenly Father hold me close, The battle of good and evil is ongoing struggle part of my life but my heart and soul belong to him the world’s pain can not touch the place where he exists in me, My life planned long ago all these years later I finally got out of his way and let him shine on my path, Now I say thank you for what I have become the scars are symbols of the strength he gave me to make it through , The emotions felt gave me wisdom beyond my own understanding to share with others in my life to look to him, Finally some peace no one can take as I wipe the tears Gods plan for me I can hear him clearly
Be peaceful my child you can rest now I AM HERE------ This Image and excerpt from the book Wings of Hope is copyright Cindy Russell Designs He Wiped her Tears She was once a wide eyed child who looked at the world full of life knowing it was a true gift the things to come being a wife and a mom Strangers where just new people that would soon become part of her life as she knew of no one not worthy as he had taught her She lived to love and care for those whose path she crossed remembered their faces, names, cared and prayed for them Many things challenged that spirit and tried to destroy that beauty in her heart and soul And he watched over her But soon the light would dim in those eyes from the pain that no one saw for so long as she battled for her life She cried many tears alone not wanting to burden those around her but he was always there to wipe them away Her spirit was strong and her soul full of hope but her flesh was hurting and the pain was draining the joy of this child of God Soon she would go home and there would be no more tears and the joy would return he would restore that beautiful daughter he shared with us. He was always with her in those bright eyes, smile and heart full of love he knew the pain she suffered each day but also knew the joy she brought to so many We will question many things and this is one, but one question we know the answer to is our God cares for those we love and he will wipe your tears as well Take peace in knowing that and cry not for sadness but for the joy that we have his promise that she will be with me still watching over you --- You gave me so much joy through the years each one of you has a place in my heart that nothing can ever destroy. Remember that I lived and will live on forever because of you.
For those of you who feel Broken as I did not able to function anymore. While I was ill everything was like a hurdle I could not climb over let alone get over. My strength was gone and I needed healing so this image came to me with these words to encourage me to look to him to heal my Broken Heart---
Pencil and paper my friend I created this T-shirt image and words for those that need , or know someone that needs some Inspiration----
Broken best describes the moments of my life before him
When he answered he said no my child you are of many
I came to heal and died on the cross to give you life
Chapter -How to Find Encouragement
When your body is attacked by an illness sometimes it is all you can do just to move. The emotional and physcial limitations are beyond understanding the simplest things like taking a shower getting dressed. Have a whole new meaning. It is sometimes all you can do to think clearly---
Pen and paper again my friend I wrote
Awaken Me
This chapter shares the battles of those that face this kind of helpless feeling the words in bold that gave me strength. Evertything needed to be larger for me to focus quickly on it-----
Journal Yourself to Peace Final Chapter
Each and every day I would take Pen and Paper ----
I would hope that these would someday give some comfort to the ones in my life who where affected by this illness and what it did to change me. For the days when I cried, days when I yelled for no reason, for all the things I could not be anymore, everything I missed and finally to maybe help them see through my eyes
Seven Days A Personal Journal
I loved you all with all my heart and soul. I will always be with you in everything you do. I hope this will share answers to some of your questions and be there to remind you of who I was inside behind the pain.
This book is dedicated to my family, friends who walked this path with me. And to all who walk this path. I hope you will always listen for their voice in your heart---
Trademark Wings of Hope Designs
dedicated to Rick, Ryan, Tyler, and Travis with Love !!!!
Pen to Paper One More Time This one is for you
Soon life would show her that it had many twists and turns that it would be a challenege to reach for those dreams but she held onto those dreams
She held on to hope and on the day they met things would change for there was someone to love her he could see inside those sad eyes to the joy
The joy was once again challenged as she was told she would never have children feeling lost again she prayed for strength held onto hope
Over those next few years here love and time was devoted to those little lives precious gifts and wonderful memories made everyday
Please visit our guest book and share your thoughts with others no one should go through anything alone. There is always Hope everyday no matter what happens there is Faith for Another day and a rainbow at the end of the day.
